Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Rain, dreams, etc.

The rain had not stopped all night, it's still murmuring its tales outside. Thousands and millions of droplets hitting the ground, the roofs, the surface of everything make a beautiful liquidy music. It will continue today, perhaps even tomorrow from the looks of it. Yes, I still do spell rain. Or maybe it is less than that. Maybe I am just simply deeply attuned with the weather that I can forefeel it. Definitely with the rain. Something I had discovered back in 2002, and got a proof for in 2004. Rainspeller.

Dreamt of one of my exes last night, just remembered. She was so beautiful before she started doing things to her face, changing it surgically. Getting home was undull with her. And she was so beautiful. At least externally. But she wanted more. She was quite short, and so she used to say that she will get surgery to lengthen her legs as well. Eyelids, lips, and legs. She never went through with the leg part. Don't know why. Perhaps her new girlfriend is not much taller than her. The dream: I am in a small self-service cafeteria ordering some food, and she is there next to me. I ask her if she's hungry, she shakes her head no. I take my food and start walking to the back of the cafe. She follows. She says that she has broken up with her girlfriend. Somehow I know that already. In my dream reality, her girlfriend called me and said that she was breaking up with her. And for me to take her back. As if. Do you have a place to live in? No. I am renting a studio room with nothing in it, but you're welcome to stay awhile till you figure out your further situation. Thanks. I see a glimmer of hope and joy in her eyes. Never. I shudder in my dream thinking back on all those instances of violence she had inflicted on me. She was violent. She thought nothing of strangling me one minute - and there was nothing I could do with a failing breath and passing out - and swearing her undying love for me the next. My friends thought it was a miracle I was alive after a year of violence. They kept fearing a phone call with the news that I was dead at her hands. The only thing I missed about her all these years was her original uncut face. As soon as the violence began six months into the relationship, she started cutting her face, making it "better". Wonder what she's changed with the woman she is with now and whom she is violent to "on occasions", in her own words. 

My cold's quite settled in. As in, here to stay. Feeling much better than I did a few days ago, although I don't sound or look it. Still no hot water. Time to go out and spread the germs.

Before I go out to spread the germs: not much to update in terms of the HRT. It's only day ten. I guess.

put on a face

put on a face                      a brave face, a dead face put on a face and go. put on a face                       a kind face, a br...