Thursday, June 23, 2011

Theory number 16

First, transition update. Day nineteen today. Fluid retention was solved the very night I wrote my previous blog entry: I got my period. Really very light, but period nonetheless. Obviously the doc was right in having prescribed the half-doses, will be getting my second T shot early next week, and then full doses after that. Hopefully it'll stop then. Annoying. Of course it is the whole body process, you can't expect such drastic change so fast, but it was more of a wishful thinking and hoping on my part than a real expectation that my periods would stop right from the beginning. If I keep getting it in a few months, a proper consultation with a gyno will be required. Which means I will be doing most of the explaining as to why I should not be getting my period, hopefully whoever the gyno I find would not be transphobic. I've also begun drinking much more water and herbal teas, apparently helps, had less swelling since yesterday. 

One more small discovery, T-related. I had a chance yesterday to catch up with two great human rights colleagues who work for human rights in the global sense. It was really lovely to catch up with them, share the developments in our lives in three different parts of the world. Of course, I was drinking beer, and I just couldn't resist two cigarettes, bumming them off Rob. And I woke up with a sore throat again. Just like the last time I had a beer with Baya and could not resist and had three cigarettes, which resulted in a very sore throat the next day that became cold. I am now fairly certain that somehow tobacco really irritates my throat that must be undergoing the changes due to the T. Pre-T, I was a smoker for 13 and a half years since 21 and I never had a problem. If I did, the sooner I would've stopped. But now that I've ascertained this fact more or less scientifically, that was the last batch of cigarettes I'd ever smoked in my life. 

Onto the theory: just witnessed a drama. Baya's boyfriend of four years came by around noon, drunk and reeking of vodka at noon, which means the drinking would've started early in the day, perhaps as soon as he woke up. Told Baya to go and clear their place of his things, that he was ending the relationship. Accused Baya of ridiculous things that only very disturbed people may be able to imagine. Went on awhile. Very disturbing. He tried to get me involved in the whole thing, of course I refused, but told him that he did have a drinking problem that he has to take care of. Very, very disturbing. Theory number 16: no matter how much love there may be, or might have been, when the relationship becomes a mutual destructive addiction and a vicious cycle of the patterns repeating themselves, it must be let go of. As simple as that. As sad as that. 

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