Friday, January 27, 2012

It happened

Just as with most things in life. I saw you, fell in love with you, felt your love, revelled in it, lived all those last 7-8 years of my life together with you, you putting up with my sickness, not scared to lose me, but knowing the scary eventuality anyway. You, growing up, becoming the one you had wanted to be and was, inside, all those denied years when you were still trying to make out what you were as a human being. Your earliest fond memories of us start in your youth. Then the happy memories of us as a strangely divine couple were made every day since we got back together after years and years of not seeing each other. And every day together was lived consciously, cherished like it was the last. Those years in between when we first met and when we had to part, you wrecked havoc among girls to eventually choose me because one day you recognised me, and that was the beginning of our true relationship. The one and only truest possible karmic connection you had made in your life, the one that you will not make after I pass, as I would never again, you finally saw me for who I was, and we were together. You're the one I had dreamt into being all those years ago. Your loneliness was my loneliness till you saw me for who I really was and who I was meant to be to you. Your voice, your hands, your skin, your jet-black hair, your smell, your intimate little gestures, I had missed them all so much in between because all those years, when I had to leave you until you saw me again with the deepest soul recognition, I'd walked alone. And I waited. And waited. And waited... And then you came to never go again. A few years shy of a decade we were together. The happiest years. The happiness and love I had not felt since nearly twenty years ago, since the early 2000s. Both completing our karmas. Both sharing one and the same karma, after all, because I was you, and you were me. And then I had to leave you to never come down again... And you never loved anyone before as much as you had loved me, and you never loved anyone again after as much as you had loved me. Your one and only love in your life. Such a brave soul. Such an incredibly good soul.

The quantum physics theory about the universes that start multiplying with a neck-break speed as soon as you make a decision about something or the other, or when something happens, is what this memory is. This was, will be US in one of those universes. Why was that vision so strong, so real and so  tangible that I could smell you, touch you and even rewind all those first lonely, then full years that had happened by then (but are yet to happen in reality)? I touched your soul. I touched your love as if feelings, the most immaterial of things in this material world, were mere solid objects. The butterfly effect is now set in motion. I walk alone and wait.

Tuesday, January 3, 2012


Чамайг хайрласандаа хүмүүсээс нуусаар. Өөрөөсөө ч нуусаар. Чамайг ч, өөрийнхөө сэтгэлийг ч. Маш удахгүй бүр баяртай. Өөрөөсөө ч харамлана гэж тэр. Одоохондоо чи ч, магад би ч арай л болоогүй байгаа учир. Харамлаж байгаа зүйл нь дэндүү нандин, сэрүүн зүүдэндээ харсан, мэдэрсэн миний мэдрэмж, чамаас ирсэн тэр хайр. Харин одоо өдөр өнгөрөх тусам чамаас явах цаг хугацаа ойртсоор. Удахгүй баяртай гээд дахин чамтай уулзах хүртэлх хугацааг би давж чадах болов уу. Мэдрэмжиндээ хөтлөгдсөөр нэг харахад л олон жил өнгөрсөн байх ч ганцаараа тэр хугацааг өнгөрөөнө гэхээр нэг л хальширмаар. Харин тэр хугацаанд чи ганцаараа биш юм шиг хэрнээ намайг "олтлоо" хэнтэй ч байсан, яаж ч байсан цор ганцаарханаа мэт өөрийгөө мэдэрсээр байх болно. Чи ч, би ч хийх ёстой урдах зүйлээ хийж дуусгах ёстой. Тэгэхэд л цаг нь ирнэ. Хэдэн жил юм бэ дээ, барагцаа байгаа ч дэндүү урт хугацаа. Санана даа, санана. Дэндүү их санана. Дэндүү их ганцаарддагийг чинь би мэдэх ч "Чи намайг л эрсээр байгаа шүү дээ" гэх цаг нь болоогүй. Одоо мэдэж байгаа зүйлээ ч чамд хэлэх цаг нь болоогүй. Цаг нь ирэхээр намайг хэлсэн үгүй чи өөрөө бүгдийг олж харна.

put on a face

put on a face                      a brave face, a dead face put on a face and go. put on a face                       a kind face, a br...