Thursday, March 15, 2012

Nostalgic...

about the times bygone, all the people I'd met and loved, and still do, and if it makes sense, about the people I will have loved in the future, the places I'd been to, the spaces I'd created, the footprints I'd left on this earth. How weird. No more weird than everything that I've been going through lately: friendships dying before they'd had a chance to bloom, lovers turning into enemies before I'd had a chance to love them, multiple universes breaking into millions of possibilities, and not in the way I'd imagined, and still, everything making sense. At least, in my mind. Saw the one and only "boy"/"girl"-friend I'd had in my dream this morning. Nostalgy. Never dreamt about him/her, not then, not after that, but so many years on. A significant person in my life. So many significant people in my life: soulmates, friends, lovers... A love trough period that's now continuing for a year and nearly two months. Not as if I'd lost my ability to love people, it's just that I'm no longer what I appeared as, which was palatable to most, so unpalatable to me, but since my transition I truly am no longer palatable to the majority of people who are potential lovers. No wonder I'm feeling nostalgic. The saddest thing is, to the best of my knowlegde, this will continue for years and years... Just observed that the first ever lover in my life was a trans person, and the last will be also a trans person. How weird.

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