Saturday, March 10, 2012

They came - I

... She was indeed a creature of light, air, and passion. The deepest onyx eyes that stared and stabbed into the depth of anyone's soul who cared enough to break through the barriers she walled herself with to investigate the young, strangely quiet, but get her angry, extremely passionate woman. The dimples that appeared when she smiled, an infrequent sight, friends and lovers allowed to see those beautiful indentations that, despite the cheery emotion they surrounded, always seemed too sad, too mocking, too self-deprecating. Soul-searching, spirit-baring eyes that were often in deep thought, but wait, was she not too young to be thinking that hard all the time? The first few weeks I knew her, she slept through everything, all classes and some dinners and some breakfasts. I had had no summer holidays that year, she neither, from the way she slept in the very first row, in front of the professors, the only difference between our exhaustion being she didn't hide it, while I did everything to catch up with my surroundings, new environment, new language, and to hide my bewilderment in the process of it all. Never unfriendly, but never welcoming anything beyond greetings, that quiet, brooding, self-deprecating girl was more than a friend, she was my soulmate, my self-discovery of being able to love someone unconditionally and irrevocably. When my wide-eyed, puppy love for her was finally felt and understood by her, she often self-righteously attacked me for "always thinking about sex", for not being able to sublimate my sexual drive. As if I had had an inkling of what to do with anyone sexually, a repressed, self-hating thing that I was. Those eyes never left me, still are with me in my dreams and memories, still in my life, for she was, still is, my soulmate. My irrational, incomprehensible attraction to her, never sexual then, I questioned and didn't understand. Although much in love with her, from the beginning I knew that nothing, ever, would come off it. Friends, young and cruel creatures, were often puzzled by why I was deeply in love with her. Does it matter why, ever? I, I thought it didn't matter why. I just was. She was it. One excessively intense karmic connection, a beautiful human being. How could anyone not love her. Fondest memories of her overshadow her present ability to feel me at even great distance in terms of time and space. She came, one of my soulmates, at the time I needed someone like her. As all karmic connections that serve some or the other purpose, she came and served her purpose, made me self-aware of my limitless heart. In my mind's eye, she is still the beautiful, angry, brooding, passionate and, at the same time, gentlest of the souls with the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen...

No comments:

Post a Comment

Бусдын эрхэд халдсан утга агуулга бүхий комментуудыг хэвлэхгүй болно.

put on a face

put on a face                      a brave face, a dead face put on a face and go. put on a face                       a kind face, a br...