I'm in love. Been quite some time since I began to recognise my feelings. You know, you remember the first glimpses of those. They scared you then. Here, now: I've been acting as if I own you and that's a complete irrationality because I don't, and I won't. Neither would I want to possess you, I say, but I do, I do, I do. I know I'm in love and that's new, the process, the shades of feelings and the points of desires. Compellingly honest, for better or worse, my motto in life is to keep a complete transparency wherever possible, I had to express my feelings. Sometimes just to express is enough. Nothing required in return. Simply expressing what can't remain hidden anymore. How calm I remained when I was given a similar, but stronger confession of love a few days ago, almost unshocked, almost knowing. Calm... As if I knew what emotions underlay our very first hug that night. Same as you. You acted as if you already knew, as if you were almost expecting those words, those emotions. You remained so calm. Now take the love, that soul-to-soul recognition of greatness and goodness in you and me, and journey forth. No bounds, no ties, no promises.
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Monday, September 17, 2012
Soul-wrenching longing. Inevitable departures. Love left behind. Momentousness of this week is hanging over me with its far-reaching consequences. Am I ready to discard all that's dear to me and move onto unexplored realms? Ready or not, this is inevitable. A very momentous week indeed. Eyes on the horizon. Ready, steady, go.
Saturday, September 15, 2012
Do you see me? Do you really see me for who I am? What do you see? Do you see I've finally come into my true self, nearly fully having reached the acceptable – acceptable to me, that is – levels of manhood in my own eyes? Do you see? What do you see? Do you know me? All those years of pain trying to be someone I actually felt I wasn’t spilling out in rage and anger over small injustices. Fuelling my negative anger, pushing me forward, nagging me. Never letting me relax. Now here I am, fifteen months into my transition, a happy, balanced, quirky, but oh loving man, surrounded by his close friends and community who love him and accept him, even if at times they do find him a little too quirky. But most of all, finally relaxing. Finally taking that waking breath in the morning, immediately feeling so happy, the time and space where every day is a gift. Serenity. Happiness. Serendipity. Love.
What do you see, the eyes of others, I wonder.
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Fuck it. Totally. The judge took the decision within 3 minutes after announcing the recess. She wouldn't have had the time to read all 70+ pages of the case. She had completely dismissed my argument that this case was prosecuted under the wrong section of the Criminal Code, plus that the attack from 25 February was a hate attack. The case was dismissed. No justice was served. Even if I do go ahead with the appeal stage, the appeal level courts rarely, if at all, overturn the lower court's decision. Furthermore, they wouldn't re-classify the case to ensure the right prosecution. Since the perpetrator is on the loose, there is no guarantee for the safety of my person anymore. I have to make a decision, soon, to ensure my safety and equal protection. Haven't been this down in a long while. I feel like obliterating myself with hard liqueur, but that just doesn't serve any purpose, except to make me sick for the night. And all that exposure of myself as a trans dude, for this?! Case dismissed?! Fuck it. Completely.
Monday, September 3, 2012
Tomorrow afternoon is the court hearing of the case that's been pending with the police for investigation and re-investigation since late February, early March. Although it was a classical hate attack, the police never investigated along these lines and had not been able to see the difference between the hate crime, crime of passion and "hooliganism". My year didn't start all too well as the attack happened on the third day of the Lunar New Year. Hopefully with tomorrow's hearing the end year will end better, i.e., with the violent perpetrator behind the bars for a few years, at least. I have prepared my statement, to the effect that there is a clear understanding that the attack constituted a classic hate crime.
Had a great week-off last week. A very fun weekend outside the city with my friends, had many adventures and a total blast of a time, complete with the Disco-Time-Machine that took us through 70s, 80s and 90s hot disco numbers from all over the globe. It was quite an adventure to remember.
Not much to report otherwise. Pray for tomorrow that the justice is upheld.
As many of you know, we are doing an online crowdfunding for the first time in the history of the Centre, and it happens to be for the Equa...
2017 оны 7-р сарын сүүлээр хэвлэлтээс гарах "Амьдрал, хайр, эрх чөлөө: дэлхийн шилдэг ЛГБТ яруу найргийн антологи"-д багтсан ...
i'd rather be dead than with my ex. i'd rather be dead. he thinks he had loved me without knowing me. but really that is not lov...
Сүүлийн хэдэн жил ч юм, басхүү хүйсийн шилжилтийнхээ талаар апдэйт нэг их бичилгүй удаж. Даавар орлуулах эмчилгээнийхээ тарианд орсон тэр н...