Friday, March 29, 2013

Quito chronicles - 7

So finally I will take part in the "purging" shamanistic experience, the long-awaited ritual that Eli told me I should take part in since I came. I've done some incredible soul travel in my dreams, but this will be a lucid dreaming, lucid soul travel. I am so excited about tomorrow. Prohibitions: no sex, no spicy food before, during or after. I don't see any problems there.

Monday, March 18, 2013

Yikee arrives!

Yikee arrived this afternoon. Ran around in circles sniffing the whole place out like a maniac. Pooed twice. Peed once. Tasted a bit of clorox that was used to clean his mess, shook his head in disbelief. Went out for a walk with me, threw up on the pavement because he's not used to a leash. After awhile he seemed to have gotten the idea of walking on a leash, which was good. He's not eating or drinking, but I guess it's just the whole trauma of today: separating from his parents and finding himself in a completely alien place with a new strange dude who makes his poo disappear with foul smelling and tasting liquid. My life in Ecuador begins in earnest with the arrival of Yikee. Thank you, Eli, he's beautiful. Forgot to mention: after 33 years of waiting, another dream comes true -- to have a dog. When I got burnt with freshly boiled water in Russia at three and a half, the doctors promised me a week at most to live. Thanks to my mother's quick wits and her remembering the traditional burn cure (dog's blood, freshly let out. Just cut the ear, don't kill the dog!), I healed with no scars even, although the extent of my burns was enough to kill me, and if not kill me, then to leave me crippled for life. When I was recuperating, I had a companion in that room, a newborn white puppy. Since then, I had always wanted a dog. Somehow it took 33 years to get there. Yikee, you're long awaited. Welcome to my life.

Friday, March 15, 2013

Disadvantages of dating a transguy

There aren't many. Not all coming from your beloved guy, either.

People will question you at all turns: "Is he really a guy if he wasn't born with a dick hanging between his legs?!" Biological essentialism that has wracked my brains ever since I found out that men were not "allowed" to be feminist in the old days because one could only understand and feel indignant about women's rights or the lack thereof if one was born woman has come about to haunt me again: the biological essentialism "you can only fight for trans rights if you're one". The fuck you can't. Was slavery abolished by enslaved black people? No, for the simple reason that the agency of the black people was never recognised during the time of slavery. So who abolished the slavery? Anyone, but a black person. I will take anyone fighting and working for trans rights at this time, be they trans or not, and be thankful for all the non-trans people who are in the movement for us, the trans folk. It's high time I made another entry altogether about this bio essentialism in the trans movement because it's been pissing me off on a scale one can't imagine. To get back at the issue: if the lack of a birth dick maketh one less of a man, how would you define a man who had unfortunately lost his dick or balls in, say, accident? He's still a man, no?! So explain it this way: your beloved dude had a birth accident, which rendered him dickless, but nevertheless a man. People will claim: "But your relationship is essentially a lesbian (or straight, if your guy's gay) relationship because he's lacking the penis the holy grail". To fuck with that. How a transguy feels about himself is the only, single-most important reality. It's easier if your guy has had some HRT and other medical interventions, but even if he hasn't, he's still a man, even if he appears and sounds differently from most other guys. And no, the relationship is never lesbian, or straight, because your guy and you know what it is. Unfortunately or fortunately I had been in many a "lesbian" relationships, but in my head they were never lesbian relationships. I was me, someone who was trying his hardest to be a woman, hating the fact that I was born in this body, but nonetheless loving it on other people. That was that. Although things may look like something on the outside, it may very well be something different altogether to people in the relationship. 

People will say: "But what about children? You can never have your own children with a transguy!" You know what, a few months ago I was shocked speechless about a friend saying something to the effect that she didn't give birth to her child, that therefore that the child was not really hers. WTF?! Having been in the queer community since the age of 20, I know that family is not always blood. I've seen truest families made up of people not connected to each other by blood. Plus, in this age of advanced medical technology, if one can afford, one can absolutely have a child with a transguy. As can a couple of lesbians. Or a gay male couple. With the genetic imprints contributed by both the parents. If one can afford, that is, which is a big issue. If not, then at least by one parent. And there is always adoption. Personally, I've always thought it was a little too selfish for people to long for the genetic progeny when so many children on this planet are growing up without parental love, in horrible orphanages, or on the streets. I had always wanted to adopt rather than have my ancestral diseases (high blood pressure, cardio-vascular abnormalities, skin disorders, high cancer predisposition) passed onto my direct progeny. So thanks, but no thanks, I'd rather adopt a child and see him/her grow up to be a great human being than insist on them having my genetic imprint.

One and only disadvantage that I can think of that could turn out to be a real issue is the fact of medical interventions that will continue throughout his life, ending up being quite very expensive in the long run (which, again, may not as it really depends on where you are as some countries do cover transition-related medical interventions while some don't). Of course, there are trans people who choose no or very minimal intervention, again, it all depends on your guy, his body dysphoria level. If your guy really wants all those medical interventions, but at the same time can't have them, you will also end up dealing with the hard, hard, and very ugly end of the stick: his deep, deep depression and all that comes with it. Again, everyone's case is going to be different.

There could be many more, these are just off my fuzzed brains at 1am in the morning. Feel free to add to the list. Signing off.

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

21st month on T

21st month on testosterone begins. In 3 months I'll have been on T for full 2 years. Amazing! What can I say. If you're trans, the HRT commencement will be the best, life-improving decision you will make, ever. If only T was available earlier in my life...

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Aquarius rising

CafeAstrology explains Aquarius rising dudes and dudettes: How unique and original Aquarius rising natives come across! These individuals are just that -- individuals, and they won't let you forget that fact. Often turned to for advice, these natives possess intellectual poise and savvy. They often are curious, and quite learned, in both science and metaphysics--anything that involves advancement of the human race holds much appeal.

It's hard to shock an Aquarius rising. They've seen it all, or at least want you to think they have. In fact, they often enjoy shocking others. Not that they are flamboyant by nature, but they do like to, albeit quietly, get a rise out of others. Some natives born with Aquarius on their Ascendant can be quietly provocative and irreverent.

Most people with this Ascendant are quite friendly and likable. Their personality quirks generally go over quite well with others. They generally give others quite a bit of freedom--accepting, as a rule, people from all walks of life as equals. And, their somewhat cool and detached curiosity about all that goes on around them appeals to most.

Curiously, Aquarius rising people can be a little standoffish while also coming across as humanitarian and kind. Often labeled as independent and original children, Aquarius rising natives often feel a little "different" or "special" throughout life. They often feel like they are on the outside looking in, and their ability to observe and deduce is often uncanny. They're also adept at getting things to work, even when the parts that make up the whole seem like a puzzle with unusual pieces--especially when it comes to groups of people. This sets them apart as managers and team leaders.

The Ascendant often reveals physical mannerisms and even choice of dress, as it shows how people present themselves to the world. With Aquarius here, natives sometimes have a quirkiness to their manner, and some dress in a slightly offbeat manner--not enough to make them stand out like a sore thumb, but just enough to express their original temperament.

Because these people seem so open to new ideas, it may be surprising when you encounter their decidedly stubborn streak. Aquarius is a fixed sign, after all. The ascendant sign shows how individuals react to new situations, and with Aquarius rising, there can be a resistance to change that seems to belie the native's generally progressive nature. There's a distinct inflexibility with Aquarian rising people, and, sometimes, a tendency to want to force their opinions on others.

With their eye to the future of mankind as a whole, some people born with an Aquarius Ascendant overlook the more personal needs of the people closest to them. They are often attracted to partners who possess self-confidence and ardor. Your personal destiny and soul function is ultimately related to the impulses toward progressive change, experimentation and innovative, creative thinking which reside in the collective psyche of your generation. You are a conduit for change, for awakening new thought. As such, you will always be seen as a bit avant garde, offbeat, or different. Spiritual unity and weaving individuals into harmonious cooperative groups are the ideals that you are intended to embody. You focus is on the power of the group which transcends the individual. An innate and genuine humanitarianism and altruism are the high side of this; and uncompromising dogmatic social ideology is the other extreme. Ruled by both Saturn, the planet of form, and by Uranus, the planet of pure mind, you must bring your ideas and ideals into a real, practicable, livable form.

Sunday, March 3, 2013

Quito chronicles - 6

Since I gave into the grey in my heart, I've pretty much not written any news from Quito. So this is a newsy, kinda, one. Since I last wrote, general elections took place, and PAIS, the dominant left party won overwhelmingly, and quite expectedly, too. But the night of the elections when people simply spontaneously gathered in front of the PAIS HQ in Quito, and well, of course, Correa was ready for another term explicitly and implicitly as there's much work that he has begun in his first official term, and so had a stage prepared, etc. It was great, the people's zeal, people's trust, people's emotions -- simply over elections that have really reflected their choixe. The cars on the streets wouldn't stop honking, almost every car with  a green flag of PAIS waving in the air. Oh, the quiet and certain cheer in people's eyes I met on the Ecovia, public transport, their quiet, but so real joy. Over elections going right. Which of course, took me in the opposite direction, made me think back to 2008 and the atrocities that happened on the streets and detention centres of Ulaanbaatar city. Abhorrent stress positions that detainees were made to sit in the yard of Yarmag detention centre were filmed and broadcast online by Eagle TV. I shuddered. Over 800 arrested, detained over the curfew as well as the proximity to the centre of violence, then MPRP, present MPP, HQ which was looted and arsoned by the crowd that went mad at the sight of premature elections victory celebrations by the dominant political party which has always been accused and proven of buying votes and other unethical dealings before and during the elections. When the crowd sang songs, like about Che Guevara, like Venzeremos, Socialist international, etc. I felt so moved. I had a chance to feel the collective spirit of people empowered, of people on the path of big changes, of people united in that zeal towards the affecting those changes. Latin America always lured me in terms of its socio-political processes and traditions that are singularly Latin American. A different political spirirt of people, if you will.

Apart from the elections, I began my Spanish classes again after about two weeks of nothing as it was a holiday period, and been, still, working on the report, preparing for the radio series, networking for that. And that's been pretty much it. Nutshell. Of course, I'm still meeting new people, making friends, connecting intellectually and spiritually, and I'm learning to navigate these new surroundings waters. Love my colleagues, their commitment and zeal, their tireless spirit, their deep empathy, their brilliance dedicated solely to trans issues. And I'm getting to work with them! There are some projects on their way that will keep the PT floating for awhile, but there is a need to sit down and start thinking of re-organising, re-structuring in the best possible way to maximise outputs for the community. I've had a very eye-opening experience in terms of the team's team-working abilities at the Centre. The report must go out now as it is, with some areas uncovered, it's too late, it looks like, to collect data. And I'm working on the end part now.

Yes, today the first edition of the South-Trans-South went on air live. It was a bit scary, but nonetheless, remembered. And then we got stuck in the middle of nowhere on our quest for the native chicken soup :)) The beauty of that road, with gorgeous waterfalls, fogs drifting over the greenery, the high mountains, some volcanoes, from arid to evergreen rainforest in five minutes. Mesmerising. Soul-melting.


As many of you know, we are doing an online crowdfunding for the first time in the history of the Centre, and it happens to be for the Equa...