Saturday, December 28, 2013

2013: review

I was happy to know the one I shouldn't even be in love with (but the fact remains) also gets depressed around his birthday and new year. To obtain an affirmation that I am not the only weirdo. To feel the affinity on so many levels...

Review: 2013 the year began with me working my ass off finishing off the translation of my part of a fashion encyclopedia that got finally published in October. The second book that I've jointly translated, the first was published in 2011, "The Secret History of the Mongol Attire". Then later in January I ran away to Ecuador to try to get over my breaking and broken heart over a year-long (which by November this year became a two-year long) unrequited, very carnal love that shook everything I thought I knew about myself as it was a guy I fell in love with. A little more than three months in Ecuador were a time of reflection, learning of my soul movements, learning some Spanish, helping with the Proyecto Transgenero, doing a weekly radioshow with trans activists around the world. From March onwards I began to have irregular spotting and bleeding that shouldn't happen after a year and a half of hormone replacement therapy, was shocked to my core to see that the people who brought me over wouldn't help, so I returned home in early May cutting my plans to stay in Ecuador for a year. The summer was exceptional: 3 July 2013 marked the passing of the Parliamentary Resolution number 3 that all UN recommendations given to Mongolia in relation to the implementation of LGBTI rights (which yours truly and my ex-wife and colleauges have been working on since 2008) be implemented by the Government of Mongolia, thanks to the National Human Rights Commission's inclusion in their annual report of the LGBT isues (yours truly wrote the report that was the basis of the NHRC's annual repot). Plus: had a team of young, like-minded people to work on the elections observations, had my first gay date ever that went all wrong at the end, not completely without my fault and then two serene months with a girl who was at some point in love with me, but who recognised that her feelings for me were not carnal, but spiritual. The autumn: return of the prodigal heartbreaker into my life, me obsessing even stronger, and it all ending in tears, blood and stupour in late November through his many acts that left no love in my soul. With that love dying, the seeds sown mid-November by an incredibly sensitive, sensual, highly intellectually compatible man have by now overgrown and made the jungle of my heart, despite his circumstances that turned out to be way beyond my wild imagination. December: had my chest reconstruction surgery number 2 in Bangkok, wasn't very happy at the unveiling, I'll think thrice of going under a knife again for a chest reconstruction surgery number 3, and definitely never with that surgeon.

The recurring theme of my life has always been love. For my existence has become love. However, since I don't see any way to go forward, or backward, to that matter, with the one I'm obsessively in love with, I have decided to go to San-Francisco in April, for a month or two. Running away again. Because every time I fall in love, it is an all-engrossing, all-encompassing soul affair that leaves no space for anything else. May 2014 be luckier. Happy 2014!

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