Saturday, January 25, 2014

darkness

so much pain in the world, so much meaninglessness. so little love. since i woke up yesterday morning, i've been drinking and thinking and crying. over my father who did the unthinkable, for years. over my life that took me through the gutters and the stars. over all the people who are right now in love with me, but can't even be seen with me in public, who can't even say yes to my love because i'm too different from most. over the fact that i'm tired, exhausted of trying to keep walking upright because in actuality i'm crawling on all my fours, screams shut in my ribcage, pain flowing through me to the very last cell of my body. last night was the last drop: that there are still chilhood killers running loose, in this age and this society... i am one of those killed children who had to grow up over a single night. i was never a child since then, since eleven. childhood murderers, fucking immoral assholes who think nothing of killing children directly or indirectly. that there is still so little love. that there is still no humanity in humans. am so fucking tired. am so fucking exhausted... am so fucking done... my life will not fit into a single movie, or a sitcom. but am tired of watching the same things in different forms, at different times. that there is so little love, still. that, after everything and everyone, am still parched. my life has been meaningful, because out of nothing i had to create something, out of darkness - light, out of hate - love. but am so fucking tired and frozen...

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