Monday, February 3, 2014


...shaking to the core, weakness of the muscles, ligaments unravelling, falling on my knees, the curtains, the bathtub porcelain, the lapis tiles suddenly monstrous with images, and me screaming, screaming, screaming, but no sound comes. no words. water calms me, clear drops cleansing me, but it can't stop the blood coursing through my veins at speeds unknown before, and my temple veins stand out, throbbing hot, hard, mirroring my ragged breaths i can't control anymore, and millions of thoughts shouting in thousands of voices to get my attention, but i am not here. all my love, all my futures, all my being, all my pasts, all of me collapsing... all of me shrunk to a minute ball of agony. all of me unheeding of anything beyond this shower where i am on the brink of something, something, something... nothingness. will i get up tomorrow? will i walk as i did a few minutes ago? will i stay in the present more? will i love more? will i accept everything more than i did? will i be kind? will i be gentle? will i retain me? will i?...

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