Sunday, April 13, 2014

.....

travel yonder, tongue-tied, heartbroken, soultrodden. realise there was never any choice. all that there was, ever was simply loud echoes of my delusions, endless obsessions. travel yonder. leave behind the truth of feelings. leave the pain. find a way to go forward beyond. two nights ago, i was sitting in the smoking room of hanzo, and for the nth time this year, i was dismayed by my own inability to travel yonder. i was stuck. looking at a couple talking and kissing in the corner, with the people i love all around, all i felt, and still feel, was soul void and exhaustion stemming from my own loneliness, from the continued invisibility and dehumanisation that's been shoved down my throat. that we crave validation as human beings, that we crave to connect, that we hang onto those fleeting connections if not physically, then at least emotionally, that all this is is often as base as a simple intimacy of body, or spirit, or, if incredibly lucky, both: it's a sad, sad, sad world.

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