Sunday, May 11, 2014

addictions

some people are addicted to sweets, like i was until the time i could buy and eat as many sweets as i wanted with my own money. when i got there at the age of 19, my addiction flew out of the window. sure, i still do eat sweets, especially dark chocolate, and if it's with chilli, oh yeah, stuff my face with it! some people are addicted to alcohol as in the case of a dear friend who has drunk away the last two years of his life over something that even he can't define or begin to articulate. alcohol for him was and is a means of escaping his feelings, deadening them, denying them. i learnt to drink with him because i was so head over heels in love with him that i learnt to love what he loved: escaping the reality through artificially induced intoxication. some people are addicted to the feeling of being in love, like i am. the euphoria, the feeling of groundlessness, lightness and symphony of music and colours... when things don't work out the way you felt, all that is left is a cacophony, of course, which is painful. some people are addicted to pain, self-inflicted, inflicted by others, no matter. the more acute the pain, the better. they seek out all types of situations where they will but fail, lose, disappoint just so they can feel that pain. it comes out in self-harm as well. those addicted to pain often cut when the situations of pain arise, whether through others' actions, or their own. some people are addicted to hate. they choose to see only the negatives, the horrid in people and things. and they hate, with all their tiny heart and soul. some people are addicted to the idea of themselves. in fact, most are. themselves being the centre of the universe. themselves being the right ones, the righteous one, the eternally undoubting ones. oh, hate-full they are. no matter what they say, their actions speak louder than words. and what it all comes down to is that addictions are bad. addictions are basically neurons wired to receive only certain impulses while blocking the others, meaning that all the other impulses are perceived as negative. any and all addictions are bad. with that note, just saying that i'm trying to get over my addiction to love...

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