Monday, May 5, 2014

sixty days

sixty days, give or take. sixty days of pain. of soul abcess. of solitary travels. of screaming heart. of disability. of watching. of caring. of wanting. of trying to reach out. of trying to say how much love i felt then and still do. of trying to still my heart till no beat could be heard even by me. of caressing the air. of always caressing the air, the remnants in the air. of holding on. of tenacious clinging in the dark. of shivering. of endless talk to all who would listen till they were sick of my sickness. of stalking. of being stalked. of uncertain knowing. of knowing void. of coming to terms. of trying to let go. of tears. of bleeding. of orgasming to the thought of hands, the skin, the odour. of comparing the incomparable. of coming back full circle. of trying to make peace. of bleeding snow. of running amok. of exhaustion. of being shut out. of incredulity. of trying to say that yours is the best kind of intelligence had you only allowed yourself to be. of trying to say that yours was the only kind of stupidity that you allowed to take place by listening to others. of trusting mistrust. of raging jealousy. of hope dying day by day, night after night. of shutting everyone out. of waiting, patiently. of patience bled dry. of our world slowly coming to an end. of being the one to blame for being too direct in my hopeless despair. of dreaming. of screaming. of not being heard. of waking with the only one in my thoughts, in my heart, going to bed with still that one only face. of caressing memories, the precious gems glittering in the void. of losing sight of those gems because love is blinding. of blindness. of endless echoes of dying hopes and dreams. of trying to move on. of how the end was the beginning, the beginning the end, and the end the beginning the end the end.

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