Friday, June 6, 2014

closure, certainty, mourning

figuratively: soul-crawling, clawing blindly for a foothold to get out of the deepest echoing hell i found myself in, am starved for air, air, air. literally: unable, unwilling to move from the bed, odours in the bedroom rancid (i must be rotting), unconscious voids of catatonia alternating with paralysed staring into the phone, waiting endlessly till a word that stops me dead, cold. force myself out of bed. i must get medicines to mom. i can't possibly go see her in my present state. noone should be assaulted with such a sight. no morsel passed my mouth in two days, today i finally give in, have a sandwich. closures mean certainty. certainty is beautiful. i can finally mourn fully and let everything rest in peace.

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