Thursday, June 12, 2014

kill your darlings

instead of burying himself in the woodwork of words, he sat distracted by sudden insights that won't let him rest or concentrate. instead of diligent ploughing, he sat playing mahjong and sudoku absentmindedly while furiously turning over the events and trends of his past few years and found the results pitiful, lacking, wanting on the one hand; beautiful, crystal clear, sufficient, on the other. since he welcomed so many hitherto unimagined protagonists in his book that he kept writing every day for as long as he remembered, the last few years he became so engrossed in it that, he now saw, the only way to regain the blank state of rewriting was to continue to live to the fullest till death doth him apart, till he kills his characters populating his book, and most importantly, till he kills his own self as a protagonist. the book made screeching halts, full stops, taking turns at exclamation or question marks when his protagonists were imagined to solely choose what they choose to see/do to the point of brutality in their intended and real treatment of his imagined reality. he sat musing: "if my imagined reality is brutal to the point of no hope, ever, if the reality i find myself is so inescapable because i finally see the threads, junctions, events, connections coming together in a cohesive pattern of the puzzle finally shaping up, if the reality i find myself in is due to the lack of social progress, misinterpretation of personal liberties (which are mere words here, anyway), driven by the rigid morality and ladder-climbing rules of misengagement without the rule of law as such, if the dream reality i find myself in keeps surfacing in my waking paranoid reality, if my reality is no longer enriching my experiences as a soul but is only serving to fulfill THEIR karma... a stunning beauty of the exit point. i love you enough to kill you, my darlingest self, yes i do."

No comments:

Post a Comment

Бусдын эрхэд халдсан утга агуулга бүхий комментуудыг хэвлэхгүй болно.

put on a face

put on a face                      a brave face, a dead face put on a face and go. put on a face                       a kind face, a br...