Tuesday, July 22, 2014

the other

rainy skies, weepy skies, cleansing skies, above all, sad. where is all this sadness coming from? numb i've been since early june, beginning to learn to breathe again, numb as the voracity of air particles continued to assail me while all i wanted was not to stay in the vacuum. numbed, damaged, self-damaging, to the point of a screeching raw broadcast of pain. every passing day i think i feel better, but with every reminder, encounter, i am shocked motionless, the smile a frozen mask of screaming agony over torn pieces of something beautiful that has disappeared, eyes intently gazing into the souls of people, searching, groping for the echoes of the other. the other, who stares back from every passerby's face, their motions, muscle movements compared, and the other remembered, held tight, caressed gently. the other, who lives in my soul, a separate entity from the original version, the one who became mine, the one who became a part of me. the other with whom the peace was made, and love declared, in my heart, never mind the reality. the other whom i forgave everything and thus whose existence, his gift, his soul, his karma, his choices i am grateful for in this weirdest, calmest manner. whose absence in reality i am learning to accept fully. the other.

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