Thursday, August 14, 2014

los angeles and sanfran plans, fingers crossed

would i sacrifice my health in the long term (well, actually just, just postponing my vital surgeries till such time i would have sufficient money again) to feel like a human being? like a man whose body doesn't inspire body horror? and the answer - increasingly, obviously - became 'yes' in the past few months. had i had the money, i was going to go to sanfran in april, but my plans came to naught as i had neither money, nor the time anymore due to my appointment with the centre, and in the past few months, nor even an inkling of desire (desire being equal to life, more or less), everything distilling in a deep, deep depression. i am so going to sanfran for a week, perhaps more, and maybe a few days to los angeles this winter, just watch me. both of these cities i had visited, but never beyond their airports. wherever i go, i usually end up making contacts with the queer community organisations, plans of cooperation, so why not this time either. as soon as october rolls in, i will begin making contacts and planning my hopefully very fruitful stay in sanfran! i am owed a vacation, anyhow, a sensory vacation. maybe, even sensual, godknows. perhaps, even inspiration, again!... as i reconnected with a staunch supporter of sexuality minority after four years of not seeing her, i was reminded by her, in a very professional capacity, that i needed my sexual confidence back. that i would have it as long as i am able to meet and spend time with people who can and will see me for who i am and not worry about what i have in my pants.

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