Monday, September 29, 2014

one day, soon

i will bring someone, again, to meet mom, again. she or he will be someone that i admire deeply, love endlessly and desire without reservations, and she will go "ah, finally! very good to meet you. heard so much about you!" for years she wondered about the limitlessness of my heart every time i fell in love as insanely as i do, and brought them to meet her. i never let her down, falling in love with the beauty of people and bringing them to meet her early on in our relationship so she could see for herself the beautiful diversity of womankind that managed to touch my soul and get under my skin. under my skin... till then, till such time i bring someone to meet her again, for a few more years as it's been for the past nearly four years, she will meet no significant other of mine. definitely not while i'm here, it's well understood. no romantic/intellectual/sexual relationship to speak of in the past several years to warrant to meet the beautiful soul that my mother is. no one has been there in my life who was in love with me as i was in love with them, all one-sided diseases of my soul. mother no longer asks when i'm getting coupled. this summer i told her about the last two soul affairs of the last three years, the discovery of my gay emotions with trepidation of rejection for i had felt that rejection on many levels from many people. she never judged. she listened, carefully. she was perplexed. then, again, so was i at the time i fell in love with a guy with all the sexual feelings properly, the first time. i am no longer perplexed, it's just a part of me, now fully accepted, an indelible, integral part of me to stay.

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