Thursday, September 25, 2014

"this is the end, beautiful friend, the end"

just a hint, just a reminder (the fact that i am still there in my mind, if not in my heart, makes all the difference...) and i am so angry. at myself. solely and only at myself. for not having seen the signs, the glaring, the truth. i guess nothing could've prepared me, after all. not all my lifetimes. not all my experiences. still, angry. at myself. when i calm down, i will be a different man, a different... being. the journeys of the heart coming to their natural end. the journeys that start and end. in the unlikeliest of places. the limits of the heart tested, found to be limitless, rejected, left behind, resurrected to only remind self of the pain. no need for that any more. peace and love is all i want. if i can't get love, then at least, peace. control... control to keep it all peaceful. at any cost. no more upheavals. no more flowing. not after nearly three years of non-peace, semi-love, un-acceptance. i have decided to give it all up. give up trying. another year and a half, i know where i will reside, so clear. and even if there is a change in the external circumstances, it will never be enough. unless and until...

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