Thursday, October 2, 2014

autumn blues

as autumn deepens, so does the nostalgia. everything is so possible and impossible at the same time. walking around the city for a few hours with a friend yesterday window-shopping for necessities that need to be bought still, it felt like i was actually in a relationship: the quiet fun of spending time with someone dear who accepts you, who likes you enough to pretend to everyone that he's your boyfriend, who buys you coffee just because, and who likes to hear you talk, whom you like to hear talk, who shares his thoughts and musings, fears and insecurities, joys and moments of amazement. sharing and communicating, the most essential part of any human relationship. as autumn deepens, i am thrown back into the memory of my past romantic relationships that began, always, in autumn. as autumn deepens snowed under the falling leaves buffeted by gusts of wind, i am ever again overtaken by memories. as autumn deepens, as i look at the world around me, all i am is mostly pain.

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