Tuesday, December 16, 2014

love, relationship, activism, etc.

love and relationship: it's been a blissful one and a half months with my gorgeous man who happens to be one of the sexiest dudes i've laid my eyes on, ever, no exaggeration there. pinching self from time to time still happens, often when i'm just about to drift off into the lands of morpheus, his beautiful scent comforting me, his languid body resting against me, our arms, legs all entwined. in the time past that we had spent together, i threw a jealousy fit once over something that made me realise my own limits: i thought i would be able to accept and maintain an open relationship for his sake given the fact that he's so much younger than me, that i would be ok with him experimenting (meaning fucking) around. when the reality of what that means hit me when i discovered something that froze me dead, panicky and close to tears. no matter how much i thought i would be able to give him the freedom to do what and how he pleases, the reality is that i just won't be able to do that. period. when he falls in love with someone else, i will let him go, for sure, but not earlier.

etc. part that's been really bugging me: ahem, my personal life is my personal life. who i am with is nobody's business, and so should it about the identity of my significant other, but i've been unpleasantly surprised by how people, even friends, have been acting around/with my boyfriend: he is often drilled by people's incredulous looks/questions that appear to undermine the very validity of our relationship where people think they are entitled to question the realness of our relationship. the disbelief, the judgement, transphobia and even offensively erroneous assumptions of the nature of our sexual relations are expressed strongly especially by gay guys, mostly owing to their transphobia. indeed, cisgender gay guys are one of the most transphobic folks i have EVER encountered, period, but my boyfriend, though he's as gay as they come, is not one of those transphobic gay dudes, another awesome part that makes me so grateful for his presence in my life. but to get back to those who are not like him: the looks my boyfriend's given, the questions he's asked by other gay guys are all in the same vein: "how can you even be with someone like anaraa, he's a trans guy?!", "whyever would you even choose someone like anaraa, his transitional body, his politics, his transparency about his life?!", "what do you even effing do in bed, he must lack a dick?!?!" hey, you know what?! keep your narrow-minded constructions of sex and sexuality to yourself, don't flaunt your ignorance!

activism, etc.: work's been great, the team pulling our weight on a development of a few projects to be sent for funding early next year. plus we just launched a small in terms of the size, but hopefully huge by the magnitude of affect youth project, exciting work with allies and volunteers. wrapping things to say "good bye, 2014! hello-hello, 2015!" apart from work, i've been also working on the development of my doctoral thesis research plan as i need to get on top of finding an adviser within the next year to hopefully start my ph.d. studies in 2016 spring/autumn. the more i am reading, the more i am sure that the line of the inquiry is my atomisation theory (which is, in a nutshell: till date all ideologies of the humankind were based on just one thing: creation, management and utilisation of resources and who has what access to them when and why. as the technology advances and allows every single individual an unlimited access to/possibility of contribution to that unlimited resource/wealth (which is not so far off, judging from all the immense technologies out there as chronicled by michio kaku in the two of his latest books, physics of the future, the future of the mind), all ideologies will come to an end, heralding in a non-ideology based model of the human kind, a truly human-centred one). i gave the first talk around this theory of mine that i've been developing on 27 november at the national legal institute, hopefully will come up with a lot more in terms of the beef on the skeleton within the next couple of months to comfortably start applying for professors to take interest in my research topic. all in good time, all in good time.

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