Sunday, August 16, 2015

karma lessons, the beginning of end

a few weeks ago i was talking to my significant other about how different people can be despite of being brought up  in the same environment. all i came up with was that when people are born in one family, we must share some similar karma lessons. that's the only explanation as to why my sister achiimaa and i are so different irrespective of the fact that we had been born from the same parents, went to the same school and pretty much shared most everything externally. 

love seems to be a huge problem among the children born of my parents. they gave birth together and separately to three children who are immensely different human beings with the the same basic problem of understanding and interpreting love. my sisters, no matter how much i love them, have turned away from me. because of that, i had turned away from them. if you ask me who my family is, my answer is: my mother and people i have loved. all of my queer community is my family, that's how i feel. i am lucky, i know where i belong as a human being, a sexual being, but because my experience of love and life has been very different from their experience, i was unable to understand my sisters - we didn't speak the same language. 

perhaps, at the end of the day, i am the one who's  carrying the biggest karma burden of love. about a week ago, i finally saw how i stopped being obsessed by love, that i was finally learning to let love go and be. how i was no longer defining my existence through love and being loved. that after all, the immense attachment to the object of love no longer played a huge role, that i was learning to let go. of even love. 

karma is a bitch. you often face situations because you had been unable to accept something or the other. life always makes  you understand, as long as we are honestly processing what's happening within our selves, whys and hows galore.

goodbye. godspeed. 

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