Monday, February 29, 2016

New chapters

After much thought, meditation, discussion, I am ready to go. Tomorrow my friend and colleague will receive my renewed will. I don't know what my future holds. There is not much left, that much I know. At least, I have the freedom. Unlike so many others. I have always been a free man, did what I wanted and needed to do. Now, my freedom will have to encompass spaces I thought I would be in much, much later. Readiness is a beauty. I am ready.


i wake up. as soon as i do, lucy comes running and tries to come into bed with me, reminding me that she's a soul that loves me, that needs me. her purrs shake the bed.

i wake up. to the reality that it's time to leave. to go. to leave all this shit behind. i can no longer be the man people wanted me to be. i can no longer sacrifice myself for the greater cause that i had dedicated my life to. now all i need is peace. love. time to go.

endless disappointments. endless fucked-up situations. this time, it's only the soul-movement matter, but it reminded me again that i am so fed up with everything. if i could un-exist despite what it will do to my community (honestly, we would not have gotten here in terms of LGBT rights without me, rob, otgoo...) but personal costs are high, people never get it.

it's time i left. this time, for good.

Tuesday, February 23, 2016

The past is past

I never got why my ex was bringing up my past. Because my past is past. The past always stayed in the past. Except exceptional cases. Which aren't there anymore. My present is all about me and people who have helped me to get here, now...

Here, now.

It makes me infinitely sad that here I am, a man a few months away from his 40th, questioning the whys and hows of the heart's movements. That till now there has been no single soul to anchor me to themselves for good, except my companion souls (people call them 'pet animals' but they're more than that).

Here, now...

I can never turn back the time. Undo the things I did. Or the things they did. The things they allowed... Hurting me, always. Me, hurting them back. But I am choosing to go ahead without the hurt. Simple.

Here, now, for the future. For however long it is.


As many of you know, we are doing an online crowdfunding for the first time in the history of the Centre, and it happens to be for the Equa...