Wednesday, June 22, 2016

day zero

from now on, it's day zero. always. the beginning and the end. there will no longer be numbers in these series. only zero.

certain days and holidays i've always associated with some or the other human i have loved in my life. for the longest time, my birthday always reminded me of how my ex-wife decided she would brave the distance/borders to come meet me in japan because she felt she needed to make that leap of faith, a leap that was a precursor to our seven years together, the most meaningful experience on many levels, for me, at least. for the past couple of years, the lunar new year i am often remembering the artist who dragged his first present for me all the way from across the city, first on a bus and then on foot, and stayed with me for a month and a little more. for the past two years, the naadam has been all about my now ex, because that was when i wrote to him with my first and last secret gay account and found a connection i didn't think i would make. of course, i didn't know it was him, but chatting with him by climbing that small hillock in my mother's yard, feeling the buzz of recognition on a soul level, feeling the buzz of excitement in the longest time since march 2014...

day zero. time doesn't exist in the nuclear winter zone. there is no longer anything that would keep the time or be kept by time. day zero will be the end and the beginning.

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