Wednesday, July 12, 2017

almost two decades later

what do you remember when you tell me you love me still, a lifetime after, almost two decades and a transition later we both knew i would one day begin? what do you mean when you say you miss what we had then? what do i mean when i say i remember? do we remember the love? but what is love if not a sum total of the feelings and their minute and everyday expressions from morning until night and even while we sleep? is it the sex you remember?  but then, again, sex, as important as it is, is not as important as the certainty of loving and being loved: these liberate one in ways one can never imagine prior to feeling that all-engulfing emotion. what do you remember when you say you love me still? do you remember the pain of the times when i drove you mad, unwittingly, when you drove me mad, quite deliberately? do you remember our peace, our fights, our drunken escapades through the clubs and bars and making out where we could, quite openly and never really caring who watched? we were young, we were allowed to do what we chose to do. we didn't even care that we, the queer, transmasculine couple might get attacked. we never were; we just got awfully curious questions of who gets to be the man in the relationship. we both laughed. what do you remember when you say you love me still? what do i remember when i say i love you still?... does love ever end?... must it?...

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